John 10:10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.
Psalms 55:22 Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.
1Peter 5:7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
As I sit here tonight, meditating on the word of God. I felt moved to share with you my personal journey. There is so much ground to cover so just bare with me as I give you an overview of where I come from and where God is taking me.
Reflecting back on my life, I must say for the most part, nothing has ever came easy for me. As a kid, I was very shy, struggled with low self esteem. Because of my low self imagine, I did very poorly in school, suffered constant ridicule because of my weight (I used to be very skinny growing up). I was always self conscious, never comfortable in my own skin. While the other kids would go to the weekend parties, my parents who instilled God based beliefs in me and lived on a solid moral foundation; sheltered myself and my sister but that was only to protect us from the things that I would soon experience.
I dropped out of school in my last year, started running with the wrong crowd so I could fit in. I never had any close relatives in my hometown nor an older brother (something I always desired to have). I had no one to protect me, no one never showed me how to fight, I kind of just picked up a lot of stuff on my own (mostly bad habits).
In my late teens, I began drinking and smoking weed to fit in. After experiencing so much rejection; I had this strong desire to be excepted. I was not very athletic (to be exact, very uncoordinated...lol). I always felt awkward coming up because I had such a deep voice and I was very tall and lanky as they would call it. Whenever I looked at myself in the mirror, I always thought I was slow, dumb and ugly because those were the words that was always fed to me beginning at an early age.
Naturally, I went through a stage of rebellion; being very disobedient to my parents, getting into trouble and ripping and running the streets. In my mind, I was having the time of my life but little to my knowledge, I was heading down a road that I would later realize was nothing more than pending self destruction.
Between my early twenties well into my thirties, I was still lost and wandering aimlessly through life with no direction. My weed smoking habit was becoming more expensive. Eventually, after hanging out with a couple of friends and some of my cousins. I began to have a fascination for hustling. Here I am working a gig that really didn't pay much while I look around, the drug dealers had all the respect, the cars, the woman and in our eyes, they were like legends. Now mind you, I didn't grow up in the hood but most of my friends and some of my relatives grew up not knowing their fathers, with mothers who were alcoholics and drug addicts yet still, I was more drawn to what back in the day we would call hoods (now called thugs or gangstas). For me to smoke an ounce of weed a day and guzzle down alcohol like it was water was nothing to me.
Many years and 3 D.U.I's later, looking back on all of this, I can always recall no matter where I would be, whether I was hanging out at one of the local bars or nightclubs (and I did my share of clubbin in my days), God would always send someone my way to minster to me (mostly because my mom would be up many nights praying and dispatching angels around me). Frankly, it used to annoy me, I couldn't even have fun sinning because my mom and the rest of my family were lifting me up in prayer. My mom told me this story that when I was a kid, my grandmother (her mother) always saw something special in me and she prayed a protective covering over myself and the rest of my cousins. No matter where I would be at, the after hours spots, strip clubs, in a crack house serving fiends (for those that don't know what 'serving fiends or slangin means, it's selling crack), or at my place of employment (and I have held many jobs during my life), God would always send someone my way to give me His word.
I was not only an addict of partying, drinking and smoking; I just loved me some hip hop music. I used to rhyme during my younger days (I am 40 going on 41 this Thursday). Whenever we would get in a cipher and spit our flows, that gave me a huge release. In secret, I wrote poetry off and on but never shared it with too many people because of the many misconceptions I had about poetry writing (truth be told, I thought poetry writing was for sissies, boy was I wrong..lol).
As the years passed, after backsliding more times than I can count, God started really dealing with me more intensely than ever. There would be times I would just suddenly feel so much conviction about all of the sin I was indulging in and how I did not have any kind of peace in my life. Fast forward...My life was about to be turned upside down.
I recently rededicated my life to serving the Lord. He was giving me so much confirmation on His plans for my life and really breaking me down, allowing situations to happen so that I would wake up. Well, I am here to tell you that I am wide awake now. So as I close, I just want to say that God is real, he is able and He is there to fix us in those broken places in our lives, all we have to do is ask and He will show up and show out. I am still a work in progress but very thankful for all the times the Lord has sparred me when the enemy had many traps set for me.
I am most thankful for all the people in my life that God has surrounded me with and continues to lift me up in prayer.
In closing, to those who have been written off, come from humble beginnings and to those who are at wits end with there life, turn it over to God, He won't disappoint. Release everything to Him and I can assure you, you will experience a greater peace like no other. Then gradually, everything that you are struggling with, He will remove it once you surrender and submit to Him. Take it from me, you don't want to spend the rest of your life thinking you got it all figured out only to miss the mark all together. Let Him be in control, allow Him to guide your steps and more importantly, find a private space where you and God can have a one on one and speak honestly with him about everything you are dealing with and then and only then...you will find true inner peace and you will be made whole.
God has placed a calling on my life and has anointed me to be all that He has called me to be. For anyone out their reading this right now. For those experiencing a battle of that you can no longer bare, I will leave you my e-mail address, send me your prayer request and your testimonies and I will pray with you and for you. Just know that the battles we encounter in life are not carnal but spiritual. The only way you can win this fight is by bringing it before God so that you no longer have to be held captive to the vices of sin. Everything has it's time and season but if you wait upon the Lord, He is just and able to restore you, fix you up, mend that broken heart and He will be your counselor and comforter so that then, you will have finally found what it is to have His perfect peace. I pray and hope that you all be blessed and know that God is with you always.
For those in need of prayer, you can e-mail me at DivineLove63@gmail .com
You can also submit your prayer request to these links below:
The Potters House: http://thepottershouse.org/Press/Forms/Prayer-Requests.aspx
Breakthrough Ministries: https://orders.rodparsley.com/Order_First.aspx?ostr=6RCBlN29wno%3D
Changing a generation ministries: http://www.changingagenerationministries.org/pages/page.asp?page_id=36269
Jentezen Franklin Ministries: http://www.jentezenfranklin.org/contact/prayer-request.php
God always keeps His promise!